just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
