Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
