Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
