I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
