he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
too bad you live with your parents still
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
