if you like me you must not know who I am
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
