Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
just found out that she named her cat after me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
