I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize