was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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