Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
