I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
