do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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