You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
