I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
