if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
