Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
