my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
