Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is this like a preordered booty call?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
