Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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