oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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