STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
