is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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