Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just pynch a tree in the face
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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