One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
