It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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