The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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