bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
