YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
