Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
