When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
