I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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