I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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