very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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