So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
