he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
