My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who died my cat blue again?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
