Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
