He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
