It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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