I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
