You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
