Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
