nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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