just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
