so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
