3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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