Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
