Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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