You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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