The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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