I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
