After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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