Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
