And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
