I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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