theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They are going to name an STD after you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
