Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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