my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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