he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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