so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
