he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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