Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
