hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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