My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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