I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
