Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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