can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
