So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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