Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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