The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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