First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize