girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
