a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
