Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize