So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
