Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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