she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
