ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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