Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize