The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize