you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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