I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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