oh god the rape fog is back!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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