Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
