ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize