i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nicole vs. Life
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
