I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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