I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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