I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
