I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
