somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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