I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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