i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
