my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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